Breaking news about “Breaking News in Yuba County.” Allison Janney plays a neglected suburban wife whose husband goes mysteriously missing whereupon she turns into a big-shot, big-time big news story. The curdled milquetoast lady next turns creamy.
Frothy. Hot. Think from coffee black to a latte. Co-stars Awkwafina, Wanda Sykes, Regina Hall, Juliette Lewis, Mila Kunis. No premiere. Zoom. On demand. Like she gets in the movie.
In some not-so-breaking news, Ryan Reynolds — who seems to be selling his Aviation gin and now owns a soccer team in Wales’ small town Wrexham — is supposedly thinking of sticking a W onto his first name. On social media, he’d be Wryan. Maybe it’s a joke. Lap up enough gin, and everything’s wreally a wriot.
Gin may be the perfect tonic to watch the Oscars — about whom who cares? — which will broadcast from “multiple locations.” Means whoever has the largest bookcase to pose in front of plus the smallest nostrils for a Zoom to stick up in will get to announce films nobody went to any theater to see. It will be late April — in time for Fauci’s next announcement.
Times to help out
Times Square. Tourism Mecca. World’s crossroads. Songs “42nd Street,” “Lullaby of Broadway” ain’t helping unless we patronize and monetize its 653 mom-and-pop ops. Stats: 310 are food and bev, 173 full-serve. Restaurant Row has a black-owned business serving cuisine from Dominica, Antigua, St. Thomas, Trinidad and Jamaica. Pure Ktchn is healthy pure Mother Earth organic. P.S. Kitchen, plant-based. Tito Murphy’s, Mexican cuisine. Times Square Alliance’s new Times Square Retail and Restaurant Gift program (TSQ.org/GiftCard) includes a sent message — e-mail, text, or inside a bagel — to whomever.
Grin and bear it
Then, to smile for Mardi Gras, remember the teeth. Per Diamond Braces founder Dr. Oleg Drut: “Wine, alcohol, cider are high in sugar. Whiskey, Scotch, beer, high acidic content. Dangerous for dental enamel. A fluoride-rich mouthwash twice a day combats acidic and sugar-based decay.” You’re welcome.
Please pay attention
Jennifer Aniston: “I hate short hair. It’s just not me. I hide behind my hair. It’s my shield” . . .
Penelope Cruz reuniting with director Pedro Almódovar in his new film “Parallel Mothers” (Madres paralelas). Films March in Spain . . .
Given today’s health and wealth, Web magazine Air Mail advertises a nice, little, simple, unadorned, everyday gray cashmere cardigan — $1,540 plus tax. Stand back for the rush . . .
Coming film based on “I Love Lucy” has J.K. Simmons and Nina Arianda as Lucy and Desi’s pals William Frawley and Vivian Vance. P.S. In pre-Lucille Ball days, Desi Arnaz, megarich, was a bird-cage cleaner, maxipoor.
Bagels for bucks
Nassau’s GOP chair Joe Cairo is doing a $150-a-person fund-raiser. Virtual. He expects nobody to show up noplace nohow. His “Remarks by the Chairman” is billed as “Breakfast With the Chairman.” In return for your bread, his invite promises you’ll get bread. This guy’s guaranteeing — as a thank you — “bagels delivered to your door.” Bagels? From Cairo? Who knows, maybe for a receipt he sends lox and cream cheese.
A coming Four Seasons Total Landscaping documentary is about the never-before-noticed small business across from a crematorium, down the street from a sex shop, which shot to prominence near where Rudy did his press conference right after the election. Speculations are it was a gaffe. They thought they’d picked a spot near where the city’s votes were being counted.
“My Wall Street broker set up a calculated encompassing program to reach certain investment goals during the next five years — like getting even.”
Only in New York, kids, Only in New York.
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